Mother, to small child in stroller: It’s not a palace. It’s called a
Conceptual sculptor: You seem to struggle with the “stool-ness” of the stool.
Ivy junior: I smoked and did some lines and now I don’t know whether to be hyped or chill. I’m like Nietzsche and the Second Dilemma.
Freshman girl: I went to this talk about David Foster Wallace.
Prefrosh, smugly: Oh yeah, he teaches here.
Ivy senior: He’s trying to be a doctor. That’s such a “minority” thing to do.
Theta senior: I swear to God that I did not ctrl-f “dumpster”; I’ll admit that I did Google “dumpster sluts.”
President-Elect Christopher Eisgruber: One of the best things about being president-designate is that I will no longer have to explain what the job of the provost is.
Engineer: Is drawing different from painting?
Male grad student: I’m gonna have a PhD! Get at me boys!
German instructor: Can you locate Checkpoint Charlie on this map of Berlin?
Student: Is that a restaurant?
Long Island sophomore male: I didn’t know any black people before I came here.
California sophomore male: Jesus! We had like four of them.
Shere Khan member, on record release party: We’ve been practicing singing, and no one is getting PMC’d this time.
Girl, looking at tent for Eisgruber reception: OH! That’s Eisergruber... Iregoober... Eisgoob...
Theta junior: I just don’t really like when they play rap music. I can’t relate to it. It’s not my fault I didn’t start from the bottom.
Matthew Dickman: How many people here like to do drugs? Anyone? No one?
Chang-Rae Lee: *raises hand*