Carrion Luggage

May 24, 2012


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Overhead on NJTransit

Terrace Girl: Like I’m like a Pi Phi in Ivy and I like soooo want to go to Terrace and like get cocaine and be hip and edgy

Overheard in Whitman D-Hall

Orthodox Jew: I think his mannerisms in seminar can say a great deal about his sexual prowess.

Overheard in Robertson

Woody Woo boy: The problem with Lawnparties every year is that one rower that has a visible scrotum.

Overheard in Terrace

Old Exonian, on St. A’s: I went to Exeter. Did any of them even prep? They’re so uninteresting. All I want to do is fork all of their eyeballs out.

Overheard by Nassau Hall

Pensive bro: Sometimes you look at your dog and you wonder if he’s got it all figured out.

Overheard at Prospect Garden on Lawnparties

Sister 1: Let’s do the cheer squat.
Sister 2: Are we duckfacing also?

Overheard at Market Fair

Guy, upon seeing girl in Charter sweatshirt: Ewwww we’re in public, take it off!

Overheard in room

Premed girl: I want to be a woman in 1900.
Roommate: You wouldn’t have even owned your own body. Your husband would have.
Premed girl: I wouldn’t have owned an orgo textbook either.

Overheard in Butler

Pi Phi frosh: What is Pi Phi? Just a group of slightly-above-average-looking girls.

Overheard in Rocky D-Hall

Old Asian Man: You can’t abort AIDS.

Overheard in RoMa

Ivy junior: You can exclude people from ODUS groups. There’s soft exclusion and hard exclusion. Soft exclusion is Facebook cyberbullying: “If u show up I’ll be pissed and hate you.” Hard exclusion is saying “oh no you can’t be in it”

Overheard at Ivy semiformal

Freshman, at door: I’m excited. This is going to be so fancy.

Overheard outside the U-Store

White girl: oh ow I’m so sunburned
Black guy: well in a way it’s kind of like reparations

Overheard in Mathey

Freshman girl, on uncircumsized penises: I just don’t think I would know. I’s dark.

Overheard in 1879 Hall

Philosophy grad student: I don’t consider myself a nihilist anymore. I was trying to do the nihilist thing, but it’s pretty hard.