Instagram caption: Irish car bombs with my preschool teacher!! Life comes full circle
Theta president: We don’t have standards at this chapter. Wait, I mean...
Girl: You accidentally sent a love poem to your sister?
Boy, defensively: There wasn’t that much sex in it.
Freshman cokehead: I just want to take a year off and do something crazy, like become an hors-piste skier.
Woody Woo soph: I don’t think Secretary of State is something to aspire towards. The presidency is.
Ivy senior: imagine if there were a worldwide meningitis outbreak and princeton university had to repopulate the planet...the world would be so much better off.
Single junior, scrolling through Tinder: Basic. Basic. Basic. Basic.
Shailene Woodley: My only real insecurities in high school were having such long legs and thick hair.
Girl on phone: I just wanted someone to talk to—[pause]...about my thesis.
Southern belle: I realized his silver pattern would have looked horrible with mine—that’s how I got closure.
Hello, I am working with a local author and she was interested in possibly putting an ad in the princetonian for her book and she was wondering what the costs were as well.
SAE soph, to girl: I have bigger eyes than you. And longer eyelashes. Really, I’m just cuter.
Exasperated Pi Phi junior, on Fashion Speaks: I might fail my midterms but at least 4 girls will be wearing silky halter tops.
Sophomore Terran: He will give you what I call the “econ major TI fuck” which will last a while and leave you satisfied with ABSOLUTELY no emotional fulfillment, but at least you won’t have cum in your mouth.
Mother, to Ivy son: Please don’t join the 21 club.
Prince editor: My sophomore year of high school, my English teacher was this hot Mexican dude. He was also dying of cancer. I was like, I could not be more attracted to you.
Philosophical Cottage soph: Jazz has words...?