RCA, to zees: I just ravage girls.
Very large football player: This is a good apple. I usually don’t like apples unless my mom cuts ‘em up for me.
Ivy senior: I need to be wearing $10,000 at all times.
Sophomore Pi Phi 1: Hey, [name redacted], are your extensions made of human hair?
Sophomore Pi Phi 2: Yeah, it comes from India. They think they’re donating to God but really they’re just donating to Princess [name redacted].
Asian girl, to black girl: I think that’s the blackest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
Girl, working on group project: You know what, this is the last day in my life I am ever going to interact with you, so let’s just get this over with so we can never see each other again.
Weight-conscious guy: [pointing at manboobs] Do you think that I could get tittyfucked?
Drunk water polo guy: I wanna suck on candy canes and do some fucking narcotics.
Offensive Lineman: I'm not drunk! I'm just loose like a spaghetti noodle, son!
Bro: Wanna come to Zumba with me on Friday?
TI-bickering girl: I just keep smelling cat food, everywhere.
Callous Terrace senior: I'm more interested in New York than autism.
Guy 1: Maybe I should die tomorrow.
Guy 2: Listen, we're still recovering from Whitney.
Bro, to guy creating playlist: Hey, could you play a little more Top 40?
Upper East Sider, talking about his jeans:
I only own one pair of sevens.
Billy Joel tried to get into my yacht club, but he got turned down the first time.
I really don't like militant black people. Why can't all black people be like the girls we hang out with, and wear JCrew instead of Baby Phat?
Sleepless Ivy member:
i jerked off
and was watching wonder years
ativan is better
Freshman Theta, dressing for party: If I wear two different socks would that be nerdy?