EiC Emeritas: They are such cunt buskets... such dumb dumb dumb dumbos.
Girl: I can't sleep when there's fat on me.
Cockney Dude: No, you cannot eat my chinchilla! ... It's like a cross between a rat and a pig.
Sophomore: Man, it would suck if birds were like piranhas. 'Cause the only thing that saves us from piranhas is that they're fish. But what if they were birds, what then?
Prof. Muldoon: What is a seminar? ...seminary?
Senior: Does it have to do with religion?
Muldoon: It has more to do with semen.
Student: I hate to break this to you, Mom, but I'm not good-looking enough to get a girlfriend.
Mom: Now, honey, you know that's not true. You are quite a handsome young man.
Student: Well, of course YOU think I'm handsome, Mom, you're my mother!
Mom: That's not true! [pause] I thought you were pretty ugly when you were thirteen.