Eager frosh: Is this where all the hipsters hang out?
Older man, authoritatively pointing at East Pyne, as if giving campus tour: And this is the Hershey building.
Man at urinal to other man at urinal: Do you have Netflix?
A’s senior: Can you dance?
Sensitive AEPi: If I could dance, I wouldn’t have to write poetry.
Boy 1, calling from window to boy on ground: We’re thinking of different balcony scenes.
Boy 2, on ground: Which balcony scene are you thinking of?
Boy 1: The one from Les Miserables.
Boy 2: Oh. (pause) Which one was I thinking of?
Anarchist: I am the exact same person I was when I was fifteen. I literally have not changed in any way. No growth whatsoever.
Grad student, to grad student: Hey! We have matching teenage Marxist glasses now!
Future investment banker, picking up phone at table: Hold on one second.
Future investment banker, on phone: Hello? Hey. Three million.
Small drunkard: She rushed Pi Phi twice. That’s the most basic thing you can do.
Senior girl, concerned, to friend: I’m not sure it was a good idea to have sex with your thesis advisor...
COM major: I don’t want my parents’ marriage because they don’t understand the concept of cultural relativism.
Cloying voice: Hey! You’re listening to Spotify, so it looks like you’re a fan of making good decisions! Another good decision is eating Slim Jim meat sticks!
DiSiac junior: Do you guys do verbatim?
Cap senior: Like send them in to the Nass?
Cottage senior: I don’t do technology things.
Writer: My mom likes reading young adult novels, like Fifty Shades of Grey.
Cottage social chair: Women are like pizza: if we want them, we send out for them.
250-lb. TI junior: No girl is safe from my non-sexual rage. Your vagina is safe, but your skeleton is not.
Theta senior, balefully, while driving: I actually went to that Hooters on Valentine’s Day last year.