Sorority Girl 1: so did you talk to him?
Sorority Girl 2: yeah...he called.
SG2: he said he was watching 'hotel rwanda.'
SG1: 'hotel rwanda'? you mean he ditched you for genocide?
Girl 1: At least you didn't fall for a hobbit who left you for a cross-eyed girl.
Girl 2: Yeah, but I fell for a hobbit who left me for a man.
I guess he didn't really leave me.
Girl on cellphone: Wait, so does this mean I can be in the Daughters
of the American Revolution?
Kid (looking at a Pollock): It looks so good, I just wanna lick it up!
Guy: What's your major?
Girl: Chemical engineering.
Guy: Sweet. What's your favorite element?
Girl 1: I love Cup O' Noodles even though it's homeless people food
Girl 2: But where do they heat it up?
Girl 1: The homeless shelter?