Girl 1: You have to take care of me... I'm so drunk.
Girl 2 (confused): But you're tall.
Girl 1: But I'm thin.
Sorority girl 1: I have a huge emergency... I need to borrow your car.
Sorority girl 2: What's the emergency?
Sorority girl 1: I need to go get costumes.
Guy: Why's your collar up? Quick, put it down!
[Girl weakly tries to put her collar down.]
Girl: I can't! It's stuck!
Guy: You liar!
Girl 1: So, when do the British celebrate Thanksgiving?
Girl 2: (Incredulous staring, awkward silence)
Guy: Can I have a bite of your pizza?
Girl: Why don't you just get your own?
Guy: I can't. I'll get fat. All of the fat tends to deposit itself on my torso.
Guy: No seriously... But not my thighs, they're good. And I have a nice ass.
Male English major 1: Nunokawa's so cool. I would pick him as an advisor if he didn't do Victorian shit.
Male English major 2: Well, what if you could have his body?
Male English major 1: Nunokawa has an awesome body! He works out all the time.
Professor: Every question becomes a meta-question. Today you live in meta-land... my great-grandparents lived in Yiddish land.
(Later in the seminar)
Professor: We were all glad when the Nass stopped putting professor quotations in Verbatim.
Guy 1: Yeah, so I hooked up with this really hot girl last night.
Guy 2: What'd you do?
Guy 1: We made out on the dance floor at one of the eating clubs.
Guy 1: Dude, that doesn't count. That's like hookup inflation.
(Editor's note: Actually, it does count. It's called a dance floor kiss, or "DFK" for short. As in, Guy 1 totally DFK'd a hot girl last night. A variation is the tap room kiss ("TRK").)