Senior male: The best thing I learned in Berlin was how to test the quality of cocaine.
Freshman man, contemplating superstition: Is it bad luck to throw salt through a hula hoop?
Kicker: By selling a sex toy with his new album, the electronic producer makes a powerful statement about how we consume.
Senior TI woman, to sophomore boy: Are you gonna third-floor bicker? I’m just kidding, we’re never having sex.
Jewish man: He’s the Paul Rudd of rabbinic law.
Jewish freshman, wearing Christmas sweater: I don’t even go out really. The only reason I’m getting a fake is because tapings of my favorite NPR show are 21 and over.
Leftist girl: But no one knows that Black Friday is actually Native American Heritage Day!
Wise professor, wisely: It just goes to show you... People don’t know a lotta things.
Chi Phi senior, to woman wearing Cottage beanie: Is that a Cottage beanie?
Woman wearing Cottage beanie: No.
Senior woman: His wrists aren’t flexible enough to be a fuckboy.
Leftist Jew: I only go to Lewis when I’m drunk.
Senior woman: I wish they could open up my brain & surgically remove my memories.
Senior woman 2: Lobotomy. What you’re describing is a lobotomy.
Actor-type: It isn’t sad crying—it’s cathartic, creative crying.
Junior woman: Someday I hope to have the confidence of a fully erect man.
Senior woman, gesturing to man: That boy used to be in love with me, and now he has a girlfriend.
Ivy junior to TI senior: You’re fratty but socially irrelevant. How does that feel?
Senior Woman: Our last interaction was me telling him, “I’m gonna vomit on your face.”
Speakeasy Attendee: I feel like a lot of people in Terrace resemble professional magic the gathering players I used to follow in high school.