Rumpled looking COS student, while pouring cornflakes: Most people at Princeton consider a good night’s sleep like 6-7 hours. If I get seven hours I’m, like, a straight-up diva.
Nass Mom: THEY ARE JUST WAITING FOR NEXT PERSON TO TAKE OVER-..OR THE GOVERNMENT! -WHERE DID THE SENSE OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEMSELVES GO WITH AMERICANS-- iF WE GIVE “IT” AWAY WE MAY NEVER GET IT BACK-- i AM TALKING ABOUT OUR INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS. SHAME ON THEM!
Freshman boy on attractive yet motherly senior girl: I want her to call me Oedipus
Columbia student on Saturday night at Terrace: Upstairs, everything was weed. The ground was weed. The ceiling was weed. It was all weed.
High school boy: Dude I really hate her. I ended our snapchat streak on purpose
Drunk pharmacologist from North Carolina: Canker sores are real. Life is short, everyone. Individuality.
Nass sophomore, holding joint: I do think I’m really awesome
Frosh girl: he straight up asked for a threesome and I was like wtf do you think I am??? Amazon?!?????
Sad Boy Fratter to roommate: I hate it when my asshole’s really dirty
please don’t verbatim that.
Theta sophomore: Ugh I think I pulled a muscle in my butt lying in bed.
Senior SWUG 1: I realized I can’t hook up with anyone tonight bc I need to get a bikini wax
Senior SWUG 2: I thought about that, but I read Cosmo and apparently guys really don’t care
Mom: If I get cancer I want to at least get new boobs for it. Even if it’s not breast cancer.
Professor: Confederation is like a hookup. It’s loose, you’re not sure if you should call them, it’s not great, but you keep doing it because you don’t have anyone better.
Q: Why wasn’t the noun in the Nass?
A: Cus the verbatim!!
Silicon Valley Bro, wearing Google tshirt: Dude, have you ever tried Zquil?