TI member: This year I accidentally threw beer on a crowd of parents.They need to be ushered into the new future.
Upset sophomore: The fact that they took Supervillain Island off of Poptropica is literally a hate crime
APES Boy to a table of APES Boys: Dude! You gotta sous-vide the eggs to make an eggs Benedict!
Astute observer: Being white is like vodka— you don’t drink it on its own, but it mixes well with everything else!
Graduating senior: I love Ambien so much… Can't wait to finally have my own prescription one day.
Sophomore libertarian: Mitt Romney is a hottie with a body.
TI Senior Male: How would we all be racist if we were colorblind?
I used to do the crossword. Now I don't have time because I'm always sucking dick.
Content added: Lecture 6 — Cocaine Arrives
Confused Pi Phi: Wait, is Bridge Year a personality trait?
Disembodied voice, heeled shoes running down the hall: ESMERELDA!!!
Bewildered sophomore: What is the difference between The Daily Princetonian and The Nassau Weekly?
Nass Editor: The conservative in me is gonna come out…
Adventurous Sophomore: Does anyone wanna play strip monopoly?
Smug Sophomore: I'm writing an essay for Creative Nonfiction about a mathematician's relationship to chalkboards.
Tenured Comp Lit Professor: I hate to dramatize, but it's the end of the world.