I think I’ve finally got the screwball logic of our commander-n-thief figured out. G-dub’s advisors actually got it together and read something – in print! Unfortunately for us it was George Orwell’s classic, 1984. On page four (of my paperback edition), the party’s tripartite slogan is introduced. When I read it again, it was too familiar for comfort. As Eric Blair – a pseudonym for Orwell – put it:

WAR IS PEACE

As we approach the upcoming election cycle, one thing is clear: the terrorists are going to get you. At least that’s what the Republican machine would have you believe. John and Jane Q. Midwest have been shitting themselves for two and a half years, biding their time before some brown-skinned stranger swaggers into town, beats up Jesus, and jihads them into oblivion. We can only be safe if we send our sons, robot drone planes, and other weapons of medium destruction to kill people and poison the environment halfway around the world. Duh! But now, now that we’ve rid the world of a terrible dictator, who had nothing more than a few rifles and was not funding or harboring the terrorists that attacked us, now we can all rejoice in the security that only a smirking cowboy could provide. Fear is a powerful motivator. Terrorists, by definition, rile up and exploit fear to achieve their goals. Sounds kinda like what the president has done since 9/11 to me.

SLAVERY IS FREEDOM

One would hope that the reason that an American might call him or herself a patriot would have something to do with the stated values upon which our country was founded; values that, until recently, were held sacred; namely, liberty and justice. The USA Patriot Act contains more than a few gems of liberty and justice – it contains eradication. You probably know that, under the Patriot Act, the federal government claims the right to hold “enemy combatants,” anonymously, indefinitely, without formal charges, without so much as telling those prisoners what potential charges might be. You probably didn’t know, however, that the government now also has the power to monitor your phone calls, email, even what websites you visit, entirely free from the unnecessary burden of establishing probable cause. Believe it – the FBI has already been forced to admit to monitoring every action on the AOL network. Big Brother is watching. And he’s not watching for terrorism – he’s watching for everything.

IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

What we don’t know can’t hurt us – right? Well, maybe not. What has been most interesting to me about mainstream news media coverage since 9/11 is not what has been reported, but what hasn’t. Did you know, for example, that from the immediate beginning of his administration George W. Bush acted to suppress the investigation of Saudi funding for terrorism? I remind you that Osama Been Forgotten is a rich Saudi – or wait, is he an operative of the Bush senior controlled CIA? – oh yeah, he’s both. The director of news for the Fox network is a former policy advisor to Bush senior. It is not hard to see why he would want to stifle stories such as the illegal wiping of 70,000 predominantly African-American, and therefore, statistically, most likely Democratic, voters from the Florida registered voter lists (Bush “won” by less than one percent of that figure). And then there’s the most troubling buried story of all: why weren’t any jets scrambled after the second plane hit the towers? Over 45 minutes went by between the second WTC hit and the crash at the Pentagon. Andrews Air Force base is seven minutes from the Pentagon. The plane that hit the Pentagon was off course for a few hours. Why didn’t anybody go check that out? The standard line is incompetence – some mid-level military strategist just fucked up. I might be willing to buy that if there had been a scapegoat. But there just wasn’t…

Wake up people. The most powerful man in the world didn’t get to be where he is by accident. He didn’t get there by being stupid.

P.S. It’s finally cool to take your American flag stickers off of your foreign-made cars.