Let’s face it, kiddies: speculation over the potential John Kerry-Johnny Edwards relationship is so last month. We get it, we get it; they like to hug. Move on. However, a recently unearthed personal blog seems to reveal that Mr. Edwards isn’t the only one who likes getting his hair ruffled by John Kerry, if you know what I’m sayin’…
Day 1: omg you guys, i’m really starting to freak out. i was talking to condi about who did her hair this afternoon, and she was like, “you know, george, i don’t like him or anything but john has really nice hair” and i was like, “omg, john who?” and she was like, “john kerry, dummy,” and i started to think about it, and she’s totally right. john has the BEST hair – it’s so…i dunno, cool or whatever. like the way it makes him look so tall and, like, serious. now I feel really bad for making fun of him for it. i wish i could take back all of those mean things i said about his 70 dollar haircuts because it’s totally NOT girly at all, and now he’s probably all mad at me. is it weird that i kinda want him to like me?
o crap, laura’s coming…bbl.
Day 2: ok, so i talked to dickie today cuz he’s all like “i want to make sure i can keep tabs on you…” wtf, cheney, ur not the boss of me. haha, i totally would’ve owned him if i told him that, but he’s kinda scary when he gets mad at me, and laura doesn’t like it when we fight. whatev, laura is SO annoying. anyway, i was talking to him, and i was like, “what do you think about john kerry?” and cheney was all, “what, politically?” omg, he’s so WEIRD sometimes. why would i care about him politically? i was like, “NO, dickie, like as a person.” and he looks at me all funny and he’s like, “george, i went thru this with my daughter, i don’t think i can do it again with you.”
what’s THAT supposed to mean? sometimes i wish he wasn’t my VP – i kinda wish john kerry was, though. then i could see him every day and it wouldn’t be all awkward between us because of the whole election thing.
omg, btw i’m supposed to DEBATE him. what is THAT? i can’t debate with john, i’ll totally give myself away. if i win, i’ll feel bad for beating him, but if i let him win, then everybody will think i like him, and laura will have one of those ‘talks’ with me. i don’t like talking to laura.
i can’t like john, it just wouldn’t work.
ok, i have to go talk to some prime minister guy, i’d better go before condi yells at me again.
Day 3: AAAAAH! i totally can’t do this, you guys. i saw john on tv yesterday, and i totally got that feeling in my stomach where ur like, “omg, he’s so cute.” it was SO embarrassing though cuz i’m all sitting there with dickie and my speechwriters or whatever, so i have to focus. but at the same time, if i stare at the screen too hard, i totally knew i’d turn red, and that would be sooooooo bad.
i think i might just have to tell john and see what he says. b/c that way, if it turns out that he likes me too, we can just call off this stupid election thing, but if he doesn’t, then i’ll just have to move on. it’s the grownup thing to do, i guess (see dad? i CAN be mature…whatev). i mean, living a lie is just not the way to…live, i guess. and laura will be able to deal with it…she’s tough. like, really tough. everybody keep ur fingers crossed, and thanx so much for all ur supportive comments…i REALLY appreciate them.
Day 4: omg john kerry is SO MEAN. before the debate today, i managed to sneak away from everybody and catch him right before we went on, and i came right out and told him. and he didn’t even say ANYTHING. he just kinda glared at me and walked away…i heard that he went to go text msg john edwards on his cell phone. it’s so not fair!!! and then at the debate i was so not paying attention the whole time…i don’t even know if i won or not. but you know what? i’m totally gonna win this election now, and we’ll see who’s crying in his pink bunny slippers then.
whatev, john kerry. whatev.