If we’re not mistaken, Bruce Easop is all about two things: emailing you, and TigerApps. Given the influx of hip apps the student body has seen since Easop assumed the USG Presidency (several of which are Princeton versions of already existing online services), the Nass would like to humbly posit its list of fifteen future USG apps for computer or phone.
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Is Viv Open – Very unreliably tells you whether or not Cafe Viv is open.
Events You Missed – Gives glowing reviews of great events that already happened.
Buildr – Uses architectural recognition technology to tell you if you’re standing in front of 1901 or 1903.
Princetagram – Amalgamated DFMO muploads from the 08544. Also allows you to use a variety of vintage and sepia tinge washes lovingly recopied from yearbooks past.
OK Precept – Matches the most disengaged preceptors with the students who care the least.
Office Hours Chat Roulette – Connects students to random professors holding office hours. Users will be suspended for masturbating too frequently.
John Nash Locator – Contains GPS tags of all the places and times students see John Nash. Students are asked not to seem to be following him, and especially not to follow him wearing red ties.
Thesis with Friends, by Zynga – Compete with friends to finish chapters! Collect tokens for power-ups such as time-freeze and page requirement subtractor.
Sex with Strangers, by Xynga – Connects willing partners from nearby universities with sex-deprived Princeton students.
Spam-a-lam! – Gives everyone the power to email everyone in the Princeton community, which is currently distributed at random.
P-Harmony – Students looking to hook up create profiles, including which clubs they are most likely to be found at and when. Students can check the clubs they’re going to and screen for people they are likely to try to hook up with.
WebMcCosh – A reference guide to McCosh’s medical advice. If male, will tell you it’s just a cold, go home. If female, will slyly insinuate you are probably pregnant and have failed to realize this fact.
WebMcCormick – Gives up-to-date information about the Art Museum’s exhibits and also some more bad medical advice.
Student Groupon – Includes a ranked list of all student groups at Princeton based on how exclusive and well-connected they are.
Quotalert – Just fucking tells you when your mailbox is over quota. Jesus Christ.