You know what we’re bored of? Everything that isn’t a Nassau Weekly Lifestlyes Issue. But a Nassau Weekly Lifestyles Issue, now that, that is something we can get excited about!
You might be asking: what are these new-fangled lifestyles? Do I have one? Is this issue about me? Our answer is simple: no. Your lifestyle, to make an educated guess, consists of gently suckling algae from the nutrient-rich ground-layer of a marsh. The lifestyles we are writing about, on the other hand, are far more interesting. We got twins, cultists, squirrel-hunters, chabad, and Jesus himself. You best believe we got the gay community. We even have a movie review, because movies are just lifestyles projected up on screens. We even have an exclusive interview with Pietro Pitts, an oil analyst who publishes LatinPetroleum.
Oh no, wait, we don’t have that interview. The New York Times has that interview. Sometimes we confuse ourselves with The New York Times because we too set the industry standard for engaging and informative journalism. That interview would have been nuts dull, anyway, just like your piddling lifestyle.
Enjoy the issue!
Yours, Chris Arp and Max Kenneth