It’s the sixth set of the bottom of the ninth, the end zones are loaded, and your scrawniest bowler’s on deck. Two balls, two strikes, two spares, and a turkey. Do you play your power forward or your fullback?

Who knows?

We don’t. Or at least we didn’t. This week, The Nassau Weekly proudly publishes its first sports-related centerfold in a decade. We’ve read up on the rules—more or less—and we’re ready to hit the pitch. Kind of.

We’re really just a bunch of indoor kids. But you knew that already. There’s a Nerf basketball hoop in the office, if that counts.

In any case, do turn to Colin Pfeiffer’s article on the champion female squash team and Ray Zhong’s piece on the sophomore phenom David Hale. The kid can throw 98 miles per fucking hour.

Also inside: your weekly dose of the Week in Review (Hillary won? Really? God damn it); an analysis of the New Museum’s attempt at Unmonumentality, whatever the hell that means; and a critique of P.U.P.’s revival of the mid-nineties Princetonian flood-play entitled—well, you can guess.

And a couple housekeeping items: first, please, please send us your mail. We love to print it. Especially if it’s especially mean. Second, please, please, please get out there and vote for the 2008 Single Kid Issue, to run after spring break. As in the past, Princetonians will have the opportunity to write in a candidate—guy or girl, under- or upperclassman—to submissions@beta.beta.beta.nassauweekly.com. We’re looking for truly engaging personalities, ones that can carry an entire twelve-page spread. So think long and hard about your friends. Who are the jokesters? Who are the successful types? And who are the kids so unbelievably mysterious, bizarre, charmed, and hilarious you can barely believe they’re still here, particularly after all the run-ins with the authorities?

We’ll narrow the candidates down to a short list, then we’ll do some interviews.

It’s a big world out there. That’s why we enjoy the satiety and comfort provided by arbitrarily-regimented, ball-centric team exercise programs. So get reading!

We’re going out back to play Calvinball.

Amo, Amas, A-Nass,

–The Eds.