Category: Humor

Dear Princeton, Let Me Major in Warrior Cats

A truly interdisciplinary independent concentration.

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Double Features to Do Instead of Barbie/Oppenheimer

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Letter to a Professor (From a Disgruntled Parent-Donor)

Dear Lecherous Lecturer Precious Professor, Happy winter. I heard you’re in Vail? Hope the slopes are not destroying your knees. I’m reeling from the news that you gave a D to my son Robert “Torie” George Junior (I abstain from … Read More

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Nass Lists: Primal Urges During My Seminar

We all know the feeling: you’re sitting in your seminar when suddenly you’re overcome by an all-consuming desire to… Crack open my ballpoint pen and drink the ink like it’s a flask Drink a bottle of water like it’s filled … Read More

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things i could remember

blue cheese root beer jukeboxes servals william howard taft blue footed boobies whale sharks hash slinging slasher triple trapeze john wayne gacy the movie baby geniuses 2015 four loko gold crossfit delta 8 ipod nano (on which I once watched … Read More

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The Definitive List of Who (or What [or Even Where]) is Mother

Chloë Sevigny Liza Minelli Parker Posey Email Charles Grodin My actual mom’s instagram Red shoes Pirating movies Saugerties, NY  Arby’s  Laura Palmer Tim Heidecker This one shirt I have  Ampersands  The number 28  Apple music (you heard me)  Philip Roth … Read More

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70 of Princeton’s Next Big Construction Projects: A Nass List

PRINCETON BUILDS: A doomsday bunker, an embassy for Bumble ambassadors, a cold brew river, and 67 other projects.

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THE PHILOSOPHICAL FIVE (my very objective opinion on the best and worst philosophers of all time)

“Also known as the father of all philosophy (daddy?) Socrates is the original playboy. Everyone, and I mean everyone, fangirls over him.”

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Hundreds Humbled by the First Year Move-in Experience

A satirical take on the chaos that was this year’s freshmen move-in.

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A Cup Can Be a Bowl: Lessons from Outdoor Action

A curated list of hard-earned life lessons from one writer’s OA excursion.

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Short Guide for Running

Twenty satirical directives for running in the city.

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If a Princeton Student Transferred Schools but Kept the Princeton Ego

Speculative fiction with a dash of entitlement.

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