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Byline: Sophie Parker-Rees

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Princeton’s Ten Hottest Freshmen

What follows is an unranked list of ten of the most beautiful freshmen at Princeton, as chosen by us and based on a survey of approximately four upperclassmen girls.

by Eliza Mott, Hadley Newton, Olivia Lloyd, Sophie Parker-Rees on October 24, 2015November 15, 2015

Teloveision

Harvey is 82. He is a former member of the Welsh Guard who wears a dandelion on his lapel, and he is “not ready to give up on love or life.” This is why he is here, on my screen, a participant in the British Channel 4 reality show “First Dates.”

by Sophie Parker-Rees on October 17, 2015October 18, 2015

A Letter from the PC Brigade

Dear students,

I am a representative of your local branch of the Political Correctness Brigade.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on April 18, 2015

Across the Political Pond

You’re in America, you’re busy, you don’t have time to keep up with politics all over the world. There are a lot of parties, a lot of elections. Who can follow all of them?

by Sophie Parker-Rees on April 4, 2015

Sex on TV

Mad Men

The man will keep his suit on and will be married, but definitely not to you.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on March 7, 2015March 15, 2015

Sophie’s Namesake

I was named in a fit of impatience. My brother Toby was six years old and frustrated that my parents referred to little unborn me only as “the baby.” Inspired by the book he was reading, one day he asked, “Can we just call her Sophie?” And so they did.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on November 23, 2014November 23, 2014

40.36° South 105.3° East

You have walked through FitzRandolph Gate, and you will never graduate. You keep walking until you hit the shore.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on November 8, 2014June 10, 2015

Customers Who Bought This

I don’t like it when you use my Amazon account. My recommendations are getting stranger and stranger and I know it’s because of you. You should remember that it tells me which items are bought together—and, honestly, you have some explaining to do.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on July 5, 2014September 28, 2014

The Great Debate

President Christopher Eisgruber is reclining in the middle seat of a long table, looking as relaxed as I’ve seen him and wearing a mortarboard with an impressive tassle. Famed history professor Julian Zelizer is here too, sitting with famed improviser Adam Mastroianni ’14, so already the fame count in the room is too high for my personal comfort

by Sophie Parker-Rees on March 30, 2014March 30, 2014

Eyes on the Skies

To telescope is to slide concentric components within themselves, to shrink sequentially, to densen. It is also a means of interstellar discovery, of flooding, of applying pressure. In the succeeding entries, we telescope the weather by precipitating and saturating our memories. Each succeeding memory of a series is composed in exactly half the number of words of the previous. Condense with us.

by Angela Cafferty, Catalina Trigo, Dayton Martindale, Margaret Spencer, Rachel Stone, Sophie Parker-Rees, Zahava Presser on March 1, 2014March 8, 2014

Melancholia

Dr. Michaels usually remembered to take off his white coat before he went into Allison’s room, and today was not an exception. He put it on one of the nicer hangers and made sure the name tag on his breast pocket was clearly visible when the closet door was opened.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on March 1, 2014March 1, 2014

The Sun in His Pocket

Silvio Berlusconi still believes in himself. His doctors say that he is “almost immortal.” His story is not over.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on February 15, 2014February 15, 2014


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