Nassau Weekly
  • Issues
  • Verbatim
  • About
  • Contact
  • Donate

Byline: Justin P.B. Gerald

  • New
  • Old
  • Random

I Just Can’t Stop Loving You…

When I was five years old, I loved to think. Other kids had G.I. Joes, Barbie dolls, and cartoons, but I absolutely loved to stimulate my imagination. The way I usually did this was to skip in circles on my living room rug while listening to Michael Jackson. And so for years I associated happiness with listening to MJ.

by Justin P.B. Gerald on April 6, 2005March 17, 2013

Snake’s Nest Debauchery

Looking back at my week out of the country, I realize that, of all the uppers and downers that passed through my body, the most effective drug I took during my spring break was the Snake’s Nest itself, a place … Read More

by Justin P.B. Gerald on April 19, 2006March 17, 2013

Not a Chance

My mission, since I chose to accept it, was to see whether or not there was a way to survive comfortably in the town of Princeton – eat two meals and maybe go on one interesting excursion – while spending … Read More

by Justin P.B. Gerald on April 26, 2006March 17, 2013

Passenger 41

Many of you chose to avoid United 93 for various reasons. The trailer, some suggested, was manipulative. The lack of concrete information, it was said, means that no one should try to tell an incomplete story. The movie, my friends whined, will undoubtedly exploit the men and women who died that day, and should be shunned because of it. Now, there are indeed legitimate reasons not to see United 93. It is perhaps more difficult to watch than any recent American release – not due to the violence, which is sparse and effective, but due to the intense dread that settles into your stomach as you watch dozens of people prepare for what will most certainly not be an ordinary Tuesday

by Justin P.B. Gerald on May 18, 2006March 17, 2013

Justin’s Reasons Why Not

Since Amazon failed to deliver the Jack Abramoff-penned action catastrophe “Red Scorpion” on Friday, as they had promised, I needed to pass some time before going out. After careful deliberation, I decided I would see if those rapscallions at “Dateline” … Read More

by Justin P.B. Gerald on February 22, 2006March 17, 2013

Escalator to Heaven

If you were fortunate enough to see or hear one of Mitch Hedberg’s routines, a few things automatically stick with you. First, you notice how much of a space cadet he was. Then, you might realize that his jokes are completely disjointed and that the subjects he ridicules are so far beyond obvious that he made Jerry Seinfeld look like Noam Chomsky. And finally, you see that you just can’t stop laughing.

by Justin P.B. Gerald on April 27, 2005March 17, 2013

Peeling Back America’s Surface

There are perhaps a few people who might not enjoy “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.” Humorless folk, I suppose, those who take everything literally, and/or are unable to detect satire. And Bobby Rowe, … Read More

by Justin P.B. Gerald on November 8, 2006March 17, 2013

Talk Loudly and Be a Big Dick

Now that his season is over, Barry Bonds can go home and rest the aching knee that kept him out of 148 games this season. His San Francisco Giants failed to make the playoffs for the second straight year, and … Read More

by Justin P.B. Gerald on October 12, 2005March 17, 2013

iFlurtz, and I Hurts

There are many students here who, next Monday, will be able to spend the day or the night with someone they care about deeply. These people are lucky. The rest of us will spend St. Valentine’s Day doing something that … Read More

by Justin P.B. Gerald on February 9, 2005March 17, 2013

That Unique Place

Everyone who spends time as an undergraduate at Princeton inevitably winds up inside Firestone Library at one point or another. Whether it’s for a Writing Seminar, JPs, or theses, Firestone sucks us all in, without fail…

by Justin P.B. Gerald on October 6, 2004March 17, 2013


  • Previous

Submit a Verbatim





Recent Posts

  • The Wyeths: A Family Portrait
  • I’m (Not) Sorry for Your Loss
  • Nostalgia Architects
  • Antibody
  • Notebook of a Departure from an Adopted Home

Popular Posts

  • 127 Unclaimed Rap Names
  • I’m (Not) Sorry for Your Loss
  • A Tale of Two Clubs
  • The Philology of the Orgasm

Navigation

  • Home
  • Articles
  • Issues
  • Verbatim
  • Contact
  • Donate

Categories

  • Campus
  • Reflections
  • Poetry
  • Podcasts
  • Fiction
  • Lists

Join Us

  • About
  • Privacy Policy
  • Submit an article
  • Submit a verbatim

© Nassau Weekly 2017 · Illustrations by Lizzie Buehler