Environmental science is a real buzz-kill. I never expected it to be all bird calls and daisies, or pictures of ponies, but in my high school class, we regularly sat through hour-long lectures that kicked off with informed statistics about getting fried alive by UV rays in the year 2028 ...

There’s a man claiming to have seen a giant squid. He says it came up close to the edge of the bay, swimming in T-waves, and shaking a little bit. He says it probably would have eaten him alive, but that he got away just in time.