REPO MEN
Repo Men is about a guy who does a thing with a partner in a dystopian future who fucks up that thing and then has to fight against his partner and, indeed, the whole of society, for the sake of truth. You might remember this movie as District 9, Equilibrium, the video game Haze, Avatar, Minority Report, Fahrenheit 451, Logan’s Run and The Giver.

OUR FAMILY WEDDING
Are we so quick to forget the lessons of West Side Story? Latinos and blacks are natural enemies. When they fall in love, their families will inevitably feud, and it will be sassy as hell. YOU KNEW THIS WHEN YOU STARTED DATING, ATTRACTIVE INTERRACIAL COUPLE. YOU MUST HAVE.

WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS
Having been cryogenically frozen at the end of Wall Street, Kirk “Michael” Douglas has returned to wreak havok on this new, technologically advanced century with ’80s know-how and slick suspenders. As any movie buff would know, this premise is a direct rip-off of Jason X, the one where Jason kills people on a space ship instead of next to a lake.

As you might have guessed, the Nassau Weekly is full of a bunch of super-nerds who are really into books and junk. To give you an indication of how into books they are, consider this: Every week, they have their meeting in a library. Also, once, no lie, I saw ...

Jesse meets Ethan. Ethan’s a little geeky, but luckily he’s the cute kind of geeky where he’s all “aw shucks” and witty and goofy...

KILLERS

Having finally made his decision after weeks of deliberation, including long sessions of pacing, breaking into sprawling, silent walks from his apartment to the piers to the bridge to the square and then back, all the while considering implications and ramifications and whether it would be stronger to or stronger ...

Several weeks ago President Shirley Tilghman, Dean of the College Nancy Weiss Malkiel, and memoirist Cornel West gave their final regards to former USG president, Pyne Prize winner and reality television show contestant Connor Diemand-Yauman in a private, unpublicized ceremony. The Nassau Weekly has obtained a transcript of Prof. West ...