REPO MEN
Repo Men is about a guy who does a thing with a partner in a dystopian future who fucks up that thing and then has to fight against his partner and, indeed, the whole of society, for the sake of truth. You might remember this movie as District 9, Equilibrium, the video game Haze, Avatar, Minority Report, Fahrenheit 451, Logan’s Run and The Giver.

OUR FAMILY WEDDING
Are we so quick to forget the lessons of West Side Story? Latinos and blacks are natural enemies. When they fall in love, their families will inevitably feud, and it will be sassy as hell. YOU KNEW THIS WHEN YOU STARTED DATING, ATTRACTIVE INTERRACIAL COUPLE. YOU MUST HAVE.

WALL STREET: MONEY NEVER SLEEPS
Having been cryogenically frozen at the end of Wall Street, Kirk “Michael” Douglas has returned to wreak havok on this new, technologically advanced century with ’80s know-how and slick suspenders. As any movie buff would know, this premise is a direct rip-off of Jason X, the one where Jason kills people on a space ship instead of next to a lake.

As you might have guessed, the Nassau Weekly is full of a bunch of super-nerds who are really into books and junk. To give you an indication of how into books they are, consider this: Every week, they have their meeting in a library. Also, once, no lie, I saw ...

Jesse meets Ethan. Ethan’s a little geeky, but luckily he’s the cute kind of geeky where he’s all “aw shucks” and witty and goofy...

KILLERS

Having finally made his decision after weeks of deliberation, including long sessions of pacing, breaking into sprawling, silent walks from his apartment to the piers to the bridge to the square and then back, all the while considering implications and ramifications and whether it would be stronger to or stronger ...

Several weeks ago President Shirley Tilghman, Dean of the College Nancy Weiss Malkiel, and memoirist Cornel West gave their final regards to former USG president, Pyne Prize winner and reality television show contestant Connor Diemand-Yauman in a private, unpublicized ceremony. The Nassau Weekly has obtained a transcript of Prof. West ...

RED (Link)

Finally tapping into the coveted “Action Movie-Goers Ages 55-64” demographic is RED, the first movie to fully recognize that the bad-ass old guy is the most bad-ass bad-ass possible. For that matter, I think I am not exaggerating when I say that, by and large, the older the practitioner, the more raw the feat. I dare you to name one thing that’s not raw as hell when done by a dude or lady of years. Doing push-ups. Chopping firewood. Yelling at Koreans. Speaking to a nation. Chugging a beer.

The Date

"The editor of Analecta, the official literary and arts journal of the University of Texas at Austin, was flipping through some old volumes when she came across the writings of former UT student and current filmmaker Wes Anderson. Published in the Analecta in 1989, Anderson’s short story, 'The Ballad ...

Dan edits Giri's college app
Page 1, Page 2, Page 3

Garfield is a terrible comic. I hate to say it, but there's no two ways around it. Whatever pep, zang, or originality the comic may have had at its inception has long since been drained over its twenty-two year continuing run. The sad fact is that nobody, not even ...

In classic Radiohead fashion, the quirky quartet have kept quite mum in the face of an absolute tsunami of questions about The King and his Limbs. To sort out the shit from shinola, I’m gonna get right into it and do my honest best to clear up some of the main questions surrounding the release.

At one point during their set at Terrace F. Club this past Saturday, Das Racist announced that they would not playing “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell,” the song many in the audience had come specifically to hear.

The philosophers tell us that everyone has, at some point in their life, given or received a handjob*. Science bears this out. Thing is, though, that handjobs just aren’t that great. Nobody really likes giving them, and, save for a pretty good half-second towards the end, nobody really likes ...

Things that I've Googled.

Dissecting frogs of the throat.

Get the most out of those old clothes.