Centerfold

The Nass 100

One hundred things we never want to see again

The Staff

  1. The Daily Princetonian (so true though)
  2. Your claim that there is a little independent coffee shop back home that is way better than Small World and way cheaper, though this is probably the case.
  3. Princeton’s new login system which demands of innocent young minds textual and pictorial identification with the university’s egomaniacal propaganda. All totalitarian systems claim that they act out of a need for “security.” This one is no exception.
  4. To that end, Precept
  5. That time I turned back during my “No Turning Back!” road trip
  6. Explaining the difference between chamber music camp and band camp
  7. The Gold Brix Remix of “Smell Yo’ Dick.” Don’t mess with the classics. (looking at you, Justine)
  8. Faculty Recommendations—it’s not like we’re going to ask someone who doesn’t like us…
  9. Male flashers
  10. Moral relativism
  11. Repeat mails from administrators with the same attachments in .doc. It’s just as easy to ignore a .docx as a .doc
  12. Any computer whose operating system is not named for a jungle cat
  13. Art after 1945
  14. Any reference to Princeton’s endowment that does not include the phrase “war chest”
  15. “Taproom Café”
  16. Y/our conscience
  17. Quarks with attitude
  18. Charlie’s interest in your parents or siblings when they come to visit
  19. “More like” jokes
  20. Even numbers
  21. Odd numbers
  22. The Sporadic Table of Elements
  23. Weird numbers
  24. The Gawker! Style! Manual!
  25. My roommate who, all summer, talked about the boxers Goldman provided for him at the gym so he didn’t have to bring his own
  26. Twitter posts that give a person’s location on Google Maps
  27. The phrase “death panel”
  28. Hot old gay men
  29. The foreboding decadence of Been Watching More Television Lately, by Nick Hornby
  30. Your painstakingly faked VHS of a David Lynch porn (Penis Ax) has received…0 bids
  31. People who seem foreign but are just ugly
  32. Barack Obama’s “birth” certificate
  33. Sarah Palin’s weird jaw
  34. This book was purchased by Firestone Library through the Robert E. Lee Hitler Oswald Fund.
  35. Old men who appear excited because they can no longer close their mouths
  36. UHS’ list of endangered sluts
  37. Nohomosexuals
  38. That one kid who hasn’t learned that listening to African music makes you whiter
  39. Glenn Beck’s 9/12 Project
  40. Dick Cheney’s 9/11 Project
  41. John Cusack’s 2012 Project
  42. Them jeans
  43. The MacBook Heir
  44. Whatever heterosexuals try after anal
  45. The Cheetah Girls 2: When in Spain
  46. The gum recession
  47. Your friends from rehab
  48. NPR’s take on Jay-Z
  49. Being woken up by the pornography my father watches
  50. The look in your eyes when I told you it was just a rash
  51. Your bangs
  52. “Flavor of Love” spin-offs
  53. Shows on HBO without nudity, overwhelming cursing, or gratuitous violence
  54. The organic food lab being the only thing open at 2.30am
  55. Your new iPhone app that gives you blowjobs
  56. Your drug-induced eating disorder and post-recovery awkward baby fat
  57. The transcripts of our cybersex
  58. My roommate’s pubic hair anywhere on my side of the room
  59. Michael Jackson
  60. The starving children in Africa who would love to eat my leftovers
  61. My foster parents
  62. Sustainability at Princeton, and everywhere else
  63. Your cum-stained copy of Castaway
  64. Your orange juice-stained copy of Muppet Treasure Island
  65. Roller derbies
  66. Parents and their constant demands (lighten up, guys!)
  67. Frist B-Level
  68. The Elemental Table of Periods
  69. Inter-orifice memos
  70. My lomography phase
  71. Circumstantial circumcisions
  72. “Symbology,” and other Dan Brown-isms
  73. People who take advantage of my hospitality
  74. People who take advantage of me at the hospital
  75. Woody Allen’s “Shouts and Murmurs”
  76. Fake Internet on fake iPhones
  77. Self-satisfied girlfriends and their douche bags
  78. Texting
  79. Brick breaks
  80. That night in Vegas when I saw The Hangover
  81. Keyboard Cat. Just kidding. We love Keyboard Cat!
  82. “White Stuff People Like”
  83. Sit-down comedy
  84. Flute conventions (note: these exist)
  85. Clothing with writing on it
  86. Insects having insect sex + incest (work this one)
  87. Enter the Dragon, the Restaurant
  88. “‘Your Huddled Masses Yearning to Breathe Free’—a poem by Emily Dickinson”—a satire by Mark Twain
  89. That time I stumbled into a Body Hype party and lost my phone and my virginity
  90. Broadway
  91. The number 42
  92. “Trolls vs Trees” night at T.I.
  93. “Rollin’ in the Breeze” night at Poe Field
  94. Those starfuckers at Scientific Research in Early Chinese Glass
  95. The Greatest Generation, “The Greatest Generation”
  96. Rowers cruising in the Wa bathroom
  97. Cab drivers who use GPS devices
  98. Heidegger’s “The Origin of the Work of Art” (spoiler alert: it’s art)
  99. The taste you’ve left in my mouth
  100. WPRB
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