1. Leave notes in books that imply a campus-wide Masonic influence.

2. Climb on the roof(s).

3. Invade another carrel.

4. Fill your carrel up to the window with tennis balls and then print out explanatory notices with dialogue from Henry V.

5. Explore the Staff Only “Lounge” on the B-floor. It looks like a cafeteria and has vending machines.

6. Correct the grammar on toilet-stall graffiti.

7. Arrange the Large Print books by color.

8. Sneak into the A-floor and steal the most obscure magazines. (“Modern Greek Numanistics” anyone?)

9. Find the oldest still-circulating books; steal them.

10. Try to sneak absurd items past the guards. Suggestions: blenders, mini Heineken Kegs, tattooing needles, candelabra.

11. Leave Penthouse and Playboy in inappropriate areas: Inquisition History, Gender Studies, Cotsen Children’s Library, etc.

12. Stalk attractive graduate students in the Trustee Room.

13. Make a scatter plot of the frequencies of Freitag, Chrome, and beat-up leather briefcases, by day, of said graduate students.

14. Replace pictures of Greece in reference books with taped in portraits of Nicolas Cage.

15. Naked carrel-ing. (Not just for stress dreams!)

16. Stay overnight, set up a living room made entirely of inflatable furniture, including a balloon dog, and surprise the janitors in the morning.

17. Find books that have never been checked out and check them out.

18. Install a hammock.

19. Attempt to BorrowDirect Cornell’s entire library.

20. Etch your name onto the window list of Trustees.

21. Visit all the bathrooms. Apparently there are 23 of them for each gender.

22. Dress up as a minotaur and terrorize freshmen on the C floor.

23. Sexual Healing: the song, getting some, the song while getting some.

24. Make the carrel walls into elaborate “String Art” installations with floss and pushpins.

25. Write articles for the Nassau Weekly.

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