Looking at the stars for too long and thinking they’ll fall down
Accidentally erasing with a pencil with no eraser and feeling the awful texture of the metal eraser holder on paper
Accidentally sexting my grandma instead of my boyfriend
When you’re showing a friend a YouTube video and have to watch their face to make sure they are laughing
Spending the whole subway ride thinking that you should be giving up your seat but not wanting to offend the person you would offer it to by implying that they are somehow impaired
Playing something explicit and realizing you’re hooked up to the bluetooth speakers in the living room; you are not home alone.
Imagining that the mole on your hip will start swelling and never stop
Accidentally viewing a SnapStory posted by someone you hate
Worrying that your preceptor knows you haven’t done the reading because you’re currently flipped to a page of the book that wasn’t in the reading, even though you’re all the way across the room from him
When you’re thinking about something funny and passing someone on the street and you make eye contact with them while laughing and you have to glare at them to make sure they don’t think you’re checking them out
Wearing heels and walking late into the class with creaky wood floors
Sending in verbatims while drunk and checking 5/6 times to make sure you’re sending it to the private gmail and not the listserv
Cracking my back and worrying that this is the last time before my spine finally snaps
Accidentally posting my Facebook status as my Blackboard post
Accidentally posting my Blackboard post as my Facebook status
Having too much work so you just remain frozen and cannot even start anything
Having nothing to do and feeling guilty for doing nothing
Spending time with your family over break and knowing you should be doing work
Doing work during a holiday and knowing you should be spending time with your family instead
That dumb thing you did in 6th grade that everyone definitely still remembers
Every word you’ve ever said in front of your crush
Every facial gesture you’ve ever made
Your smile is dumb btw
Hooking up with someone in your 3-person seminar (bonus points if it was the professor)
The days following sex and preceding one’s period, even if you’ve both had your tubes tied
A career in journalism
Going to a friends for Thanksgiving and having to hug all the strangers
Sitting in the window seat during a long flight and trying to figure out if the people in the middle and aisle are really sleeping because you need to use the bathroom for the third time.
Walking towards someone you were vaguely friends with freshman year & not knowing whether to smile, wave, or ignore them
Accidentally ignoring someone you hooked up with last night & actually really like & you aren’t sure if it would be weirder to text them saying sorry for ignoring you or for them to think you really did ignore them
The moment before you raise your hand to knock on the door of someone’s room you’ve never been to
Wanting to take a one-hour nap but knowing that your laundry will be done in 23 minutes, so you spend that time lying awake, imagining football bros pawing through your underwear
Missed phone call and/or voicemail from parents
Showering while alone in the house
The flight attendant doesn’t want you here
That thing I said last night
Feeling my heartbeat
Walking down the hallway in a towel
Eating salad for lunch & not knowing whether it would be more gross to pick spinach out of your teeth or just let it sit there like a green stain upon your soul
Feeling like he’s looking at you but you don’t want him to think you’re looking at him so you just squirm in agony
Picking the wrong major
Sort of feeling like you should have gone to Columbia
Not getting a job in finance.
Having to work in finance this summer.
Walking down steps once you’ve imagined falling down them
Not knowing when you should take off your hat
Ordering something new on a Wa sandwich when it might ruin everything
Holding the door open for someone who’s too far away so they have to run and their gratitude becomes resentment
Sitting in the middle seat and wanting to look out the window but worrying that the person in the window seat would think you’re looking at them
Telling a story to a group of people and watching everyone’s eyes glaze over, knowing everyone’s lost interest, but not being able to stop because you’ve advertised this story as “the funniest thing that’s ever happened to you.”
Incorrectly pronouncing Bârsanescu for like nine weeks until some snotty kid corrects you in front of the whole class
Minor sleep blackouts in seminar
Did anyone notice? am I drooling?
Am I doing enough to take down the patriarchy?
Am I wearing this because I like it, or because I’m trying to appeal to the male gaze?
Does this make my ass look big?
Telling a story to two people, only one version is slightly different—minor details edited for length/clarity, nothing sinister—and worrying that the topic will come up and both of them will realize you’re a liar
Opening your computer next to someone and having a porn window open whether or not you’ve watched any recently.
Grad students in head to toe Rick Owens
Toothbrush etiquette in a shared bathroom
Going on Facebook on Shabbat in case your Shabbat-observant friends see you’re online and judge you (before realizing that them noticing could only mean they’re online too)
My Shabbat-observant friends seeing I sent this on Shabbat and judging me
Talking trash with the windows open
Posting a sext to your SnapStory
Getting your cat to come sleep on you goddamn it
Not seeing him the whole night so you DFMO with someone else, but what if he like, came to the dfloor during that particular slobbery moment, saw you actin a fool, and left??
Not being able to reconcile your Kantian convictions with your bourgeois background
Greeting people from other countries and not knowing whether to hug or kiss or kiss twice or avoid the meeting altogether and move on
Texting people you don’t know for a pass
Getting a stain on your covers and every time you see that stain you are reminded of your ineptitude and worrying that when other people see the stain they will judge you
Waking up one morning with double Ds
Texting “you up?” and not getting an answer and worrying the person died (which is better than worrying they’re ignoring you)
Outfit repeating at the gym
Getting vegetables out of the salad bar at the CJL
When your mom Pinterests wedding gowns
If a silverfish crawled out of the shower drain right now, would it get caught in the web of hairs and slowly drown?
If my imagery is fresh and evocative
If my life is fresh and evocative
Contorting your legs in a uncomfortable way during precept because you want to optimize the intensity of your raw denim fades
Wearing black and blue at the same time
Eating an orange slice before you go out to ward off scurvy
Feeling your hair follicles after you let down your hair: maybe everyone who warned you about manbuns making you go bald was right
Using the handicap toilet and being nervous that you’re keeping an actually disabled person from using it
When someone compliments your bracelet and you then tell them how you will never ever take off this bracelet because a priest in India told you it wards off evil
The sports team you support is starting a player 5 years younger than you and what have you even done with your life?
You made a funny joke and you don’t know if he heard but you can’t just say it again
Is that Yik Yak comment directed at me?
Will I ever be half the man my father was?
Being sure you have a period stain on your butt, even though it’s not supposed to come for two weeks
Just check, okay? Jesus, Sharon
Deciding which sushi restaurant to go to for dinner
Deciding between iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6s
Deciding which preschool to send your children
Nearly every moment between birth and death
Accidentally sitting too close to a stranger in a nearly-empty subway car but not wanting to move in case they’d think it’s something they did
Getting into a semi-public argument and not caring because of your rage only to get over it and realize people are judging
Pretending to text while actually looking at the Princeton maps app because you never go to the equad but you should definitely know this by now
Not wanting to support American Apparel but where else is a girl supposed to get a velvet spandex monokini with vintage tortoiseshell fasteners?
Liking that one old photo of your cousins girlfriends sisters ex-boyfriend that you happened on when you were supposed to be reading Foucault
Falling off the treadmill
Striking the perfect balance between chill girl and I’m neurotic enough to be fun
Knowing I’m just neurotic
Talking to a lovely guy at a party and seeing your friend out of the corner of your eye, she says she’s “fine” but there’s some trashboy orbiting, and you know you should abandon the guy and go back with your friend but she’s protesting quite strongly, maybe she’s actually fine, but what if she died and it was all your fault, but what if this dude is The One, so you take your friend home and text the boy, turns out the number is one digit too short and you never see him again because he studies really hard instead of going out, and you meet him at your tenth Reunion looking hot with his two perfect children and brilliant wife, and you resolve never to be kind to anyone again
Too much teeth or not nearly enough
Am I eating too many beets?
The inevitable heat death of the universe.
Sliding to the end of the bench in the subway when a bunch of seats free up and having the person sitting next to you take it as a personal insult
Walking in the same direction at the same pace as someone at night and they think you’re following them
Which of my small physical ailments will eventually kill me?
Your workplace instituting a no-shoe policy
Trying to add nc-17 fan fiction to your “read later” list and accidentally sharing it to Facebook instead
How can I remain aloof and also maintain our snap streak?
Hitting “send” on a job application email before it’s finished
Sending a cover letter with the bullet points of the job description still at the top of the page
Successfully inviting your crush to your room only for them to fall asleep
Will wearing a beret be read as a political statement when, in fact, I am simply trying to keep my head warm?
Worrying you’ll accidentally offend your professor by not being formal enough in an email
Worrying you’ll accidentally bore your professor by being too formal in an email
Worrying you don’t send enough emails to your professors
Worrying you send too many emails to your professors
Someone seeing you at the gym
No one ever seeing you at the gym because you never go
Wearing the same formals dress as someone else
Wearing the same lingerie as your lover
Being constricted within the gendered clothing choice binary
Dying of thirst in Marquand
Dying of thirst on the TI dance floor
What if everyone around me is a figment of my imagination
What if I’m a figment of somebody else’s imagination
That you’ll never write an article that isn’t about your mustache
That I’ll never write an article I could ever show my mother
Are people staring because I look amazing or because I look amazingly bad?
Digging your fingers into a wall-to-wall carpet and feeling the dust get caught in between your nail and nail bed
Contracting toenail fungus from shared showers
That the color I call red isn’t actually the same color that you call red
Knowing that people know you just went to the bathroom when you exit the bathroom.
Never having sex ever again
When tinder says there’s no one new around you and you wonder if it’s a metaphor for your life.
Pretending to go to the bathroom to waste time in a 3 hour seminar and then coming back to class and realizing you actually did have to go